Tag: self love

I have no idea what I’m doing.

Leave a comment

Hey guys😊

Hope you’re all having a glorious Saturday.

Combined with the below image, the quote “not all those who wander are lost,” has been playing on my mind a lot recently. A cliche quote it’s become I know, but that is what makes a cliche – relevancy to many and overuse.

Manchester wall art

I took this image over a year ago, whilst wandering the streets of Manchester, and the simple message has really hit home recently. I have no clue what I’m doing in life😅, but does anyone? We all give the impression of having our lives together and maintaining control, but how much control do we actually have over the events in out lives? To a degree yes of course we do, but there is so much uncertainty and things out of our control that can influence the decisions we undertake. Saying “I have no idea what I’m doing” isn’t a bad thing, though the connotations people take from it are negative. It is okay to take a step back from, whatever and where ever you find yourself in life, and to just take a moment to breathe.

As Tolkein says, just because I’m wandering without a clear purpose with what I want from life right now does not mean that I am lost. If there is one thing I’ve realised, it’s that it’s okay to not know what you’re doing or where your life is taking you right now. Not every single aspect of life has to be though out or planned. Where would be the fun in that?

Literature has become a massive source of comfort and escapism for me over these past couple of weeks, really helping to ground and re-focus on what I know I want to achieve in the future and how I can attain it. So yes, I don’t know what I’m doing right now, or even how I’m going to get to where I want to be, but focussing on myself and taking the time to figure out is going to worth it in the long run.

Enjoy the unknown. It might take you somewhere you never would have gone.

xo

Book Review: The Night Brother

Leave a comment

Hiiiii 😊

So i just finished reading the ‘Night Brother’ by Rosie Garland and oh man, I loved it! It was such a sublime mix of poetic and descriptive language and all set in my beloved home town of Manchester❤ As a Manc I was super invested as soon as I read the ‘set in Manchester’ sentence of the blurb😅

the_night_brother.jpg

The Night Brother

It has a Jekyll and Hyde theme that runs throughout, and the book really plays with this in a number of ways – characters, journey’s, day and night. Through the protagonists, Edie and Gnome, the novel goes on winding and difficult journey’s of self discovery and is set in the early 1900’s which helps give, and keep, the air of mystery surrounding the plot. It also allows you to lose yourself in a period set piece of fiction and go back to a time free from the constraints of modernity. Touching upon today’s prevalent issues such as women’s rights, what it means to be a man and gender fluidity, they’re all mixed together with a touch of intrigue, flair and vital importance.

The theme of duality that runs through the entirety of the novel is such an interesting one because we all have different personas depending on who we’re with and the situation we’re in. A lot of people (myself included) probably feel like they are living separate lives sometimes. The novel deals with sexuality and gender fluidity in a way that shows you that you are more and can be more than what you are born into. Edie and Gnome differ in every way, they are complete opposites. But, they need each other. They’re constantly battling against each other for freedom and you do, like with Jekyll and Hyde, get the sense that this could easily be interpreted as someone battling with their inner demons. They desperately yearn for freedom from each other, fighting against their restraints and bonds, but if one of them does win in the end, can they really be whole? To survive one cannot be without the other no matter how hard they try – they are indeed 2 halves of a whole.

Some people might say the ending is anti-climactic, and while I can see where they might be coming from, I have to disagree. The ending, for me, wrapped up the story of the 2 siblings and their arduous journey and provided a sense of comfort. Not just for them, but for us the reader. You become invested in their stories and you really (or I did anyway) want to see them find stability and safety in a world where they would be chewed up and spit out.

I adored reading this and I don’t want to give too much away, but I highly recommend😊

xo

A book for every mood

Leave a comment

Hello😊

Does anybody else have a book they automatically reach for when things get a bit shit and you’re feeling a tad insecure, low and generally down? Mine’s North of Beautiful by Justina Chen Headley. I picked this up, ooh, about 8/9 years ago when I was around 15/16 I think. I remember cruising Amazon not looking for anything in particular (like I do most nights🤣) and I happened upon it. The first line of the blurb grabbed my attention, “how far would you go to find true beauty?” I mean what a question. When you’re a teenager that’s one of the most prevalent questions really isn’t it? ‘What can I do to be prettier/liked/popular/cool…?’ take your pick, there’s a dozen more interchangeable words you can use.

The story follows a young girl, Tessa, who goes through a journey of self discovery and self acceptance. A port wine stain covers her cheek and dictates how she portrays herself to the world. It’s the age old tale of a young girl who doesn’t quite fit in, trying to navigate her way through society and the world she finds herself in through her passion of cartography and art. As the story progresses she’s forced to realise that the way she’s been living her life, through her own choices and the circumstances around her, isn’t the path she has to continue on. With a controlling and emotionally manipulative father who cages her into a box, it’s takes a boy called Jacob (obv) and a trip to China for her to break down the walls she’s built around her self worth and recognise that her flaws are what make her beautiful, and not her quest to change herself to be the epitome of societal perfection and beauty, “flawed, we’re truly interesting, truly memorable, and yes, truly beautiful.”

The first time I read the novel I remember feeling peace, a stillness within me after I turned the last page. As a 15/16 year old, Tessa’s journey of self acceptance and self love spoke volumes to me. I don’t know why this particular book and the story spoke to me, but it did. Right book at the right time I guess. Every time I read it I felt so much better within myself. Happy. Content. Proud of who I was. I always turned to it whenever I was feeling low, upset, unhappy with who I was, inadequate, or a mixture of all them, and once I’d finished I’d make a mental note of my self worth and why I was important.But unfortunately this feeling didn’t last long and as it faded I needed more reminders. It reached the point where I was reading it at least 2-3 times a week, finishing it and literally picking it up again the following day. And then without realising it, as time went by, I was reading it less and less. Once a week. A couple times a month. Once every 6 months. Now I can’t remember the last time I read it. It’s definitely been at least 2/3 years, but the time frame is slightly hazy.

My university years are when I grew the most as a person, learning to love myself for who I was and North of Beautiful, along with a few other books and supportive and loving friends helped me come to terms with who I was as a person and to not feel like I had to hide myself away because I wasn’t ‘pretty enough’ like I’d been told during my teen years. I hate that. No one should be told they’re not pretty enough, or fit enough, or man enough, or if they did X they’d become more appealing. I still get this, but my skin has grown thicker and I’m able to brush it of much easier than I used to. This is the society we live it, but it shouldn’t be the norm, especially in the social media age we live in. It’s so easy to fabricate a life well led for others to be envious about and to edit images, that’s it’s no surprise depression rates are high and most people feel like they will never be ‘enough.’

This week however, I’ve felt the urge to pick up North of Beautiful for the first time in a long while but it’s okay. Everyone’s insecurities and inadequacies spring up from time to time and this week’s been my turn. Reading the book after such a long time away has been like an old friend welcoming me back. Warm and comforting, enveloping me into a world of safety. Below is one of my favourite passages from the book. It’s the turning point really where Tessa begins to re-evaluate her life and the impact she can have on others if she only learns to love herself and the talents she possesses:

“This is beautiful,” I said, ignoring the shop window to trace the gleaming stone walls fronting another boutique.
“You know what’s funny?” Jacob asked. He didn’t wait for my answer. “You can see beauty in everything, except for yourself.”
I swallowed hard. Erik thought my body was beautiful, Karin that it was enviable. At random times, people had noted that my hands were beautiful, or my hair. The Twisted Sisters had called my art beautiful. Mom had the best intentions and always told me before and after my laser surgeries that I would be beautiful. But no one had ever said that I was beautiful, all my parts taken together, not just the bits and pieces.”

Self love and self worth is so important, but it takes time. No one is perfect, and we should all take the time to recognise our flaws and accept them. Easier said than done I know. I’m definitely still learning to accept all my flaws and I probably will be for the rest of my life. But hopefully as time goes on, they’ll fade further and further away from my consciousness until I don’t fixate on them.

“That’s when it struck me: how gorgeous we all were, even with cellulite and stretch marks, scars and tattoos.” ❤ ❤ ❤

xo

Review: How to be interesting?

Leave a comment

Hello! I hope you’ve all had a lovely Monday😊

I picked this up from the clearance section at my local supermarket for £2! Such a bargain, I love clearance sections😌

The title and red pages drew me to to it and for the price I thought why not. I mean who doesn’t want a step by step guide on how to be interesting? This was a YA read (which I didn’t realise), but on the whole it was an enjoyable, quick and easy going read. It was the overall message that stood out for me, being really relevant for today’s society. So want to be interesting? Well follow these rules and all will be well:

  1. One must be attractive.
  2. One must make friends with attractive people.
  3. One must fall in love with someone forbidden.
  4. One must lose all sight of oneself, get into a huge emotional mess, and break down as a person.

I mean of course we know that there is no step by step guide or miracle that can just poof can make you interesting and appealing to everyone, and like our protagonist finds out, popularity isn’t everything. This novel deals with school social hierachies, the repercussions of social media and technology, and what’s deemed as perfect and ‘interesting’ in a modern and clever way. Starting off as a ‘social experiment’ our main character goes through the motions of being the nobody to the popular girl, to the fallen, to finally coming to terms with her own self worth. It’s your standard coming of age and finding yourself plot, but modernised and for the generation today. It’s not about keeping a journal of thoughts any more, but rather blogging about them online (😉). I felt like it was almost a collision of worlds: the literary and the technological. The main character is desperate to be a writer and holds this passion for writing and literature, which is interwoven with her online blogging and the way social media plays a part in her life.

For young people in this age of social media where everyone and everything looks perfect and ‘interesting,’ it’s hard to differentiate what’s real and what’s not. It’s no wonder that depression, self confidence and low self esteem are at an all time high, and that online bullying is becoming more and more frequent. While sometimes it’s easier said than done to have self confidence, self love is so important and healthy for everyone. You have to love yourself first and foremost and know that you’re important, perfect, and interesting just the way you are.

Be bold. Be brave. Be unstoppable. But most of all be inspired in whatever you do❤

xo